your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
