Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
