I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
