She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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