I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
