I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
