Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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