if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
