oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
