I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
