There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
