She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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