Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There are leaves in my underwear?
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