I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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