Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
