I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
