Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
jump out the window naked night went bad
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
