Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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