Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
