Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
