So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
