you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
