just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
