Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
