my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize