dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
