i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
