Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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