i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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