I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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