Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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