I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
