What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
