Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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