Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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