I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
