i think my tv is drunk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
