Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
