I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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