Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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