Its about making memories worth repressing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
