You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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