yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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