I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my shit smells like andre
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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