So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
