dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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