...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
