Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My feet surprised me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
