Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
