It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
