If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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