he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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