Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
