my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
