her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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