If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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