omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
