All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
