I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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