don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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