Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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