Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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