If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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