I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
