you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
