This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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