it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
