i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My breasts were aching with rage.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
