The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
