I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
