He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
