My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
