You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
